On my first day at Jan Van Riebeeck Primary School - I was in Grade 6 in 2001 - I met my classmates and teachers. It wasn't that hard for me on my first day in the class, but it was hard for me to make new friends and to understand what is going on around me. You can read about my experience in my previous blog:
There were so many times when I felt that I wanted to go back to the deaf school but I forced myself not to go back because that would seem weak. I didn't want to show any weakness to the hearing world. I wanted to be the proof that deaf people can do anything and they can survive in the mainstream school even it is extremely hard. The sacrifice is that you have to face your fear and embrace your challenge.
Most teachers walk around the classroom while they teach. I chose to sit in the middle of the class, even though I knew that right in the front is the best position for auditoriums like at college or university but at school, I have noticed that teachers do walk around in the classroom. If I would be in the front and the teacher walked to the back of the class, behind all of us, I had to turn my head to be able to see the teacher's mouth to lipread. I had to turn my head so many times while my classmates just looked straight to the front and listened to the teacher. Everybody could do that with ease, except me. The middle of the class was the best option for me. So many times I experienced - and this will never change - that when the teacher wrote something on the chalkboard while they explained to the class, they do not face the class, so I was lost! So many times I begged them to remember to look at the class when they teach, but it was hard for them to be constantly aware of the fact that there was a deaf student in the class. Fortunately, I could get the lost notes from my friend who sat next to me. I never put my hand up to ask questions because I had an insecure feeling about my deaf accent and was scared that my classmates might mock my accent. It was very hard for them to understand how little I knew about their world and how scared I was that they might think I am stupid. This is the greatest fear of any deaf person: To feel inadequate, not good enough, or excluded and not part of the group. Therefore, Instead of asking questions during class, I would go to my teacher after class and ask questions about the ''missing links''.
I studied everything from my handbooks. I had six subjects in school: Arts, Afrikaans, English, Biology, Ballet as a subject and Economy.
I would have loved to do maths, science, and geography but unfortunately, I had to take the subjects where I could read the teacher's lips! I was young and could not follow some teacher's so easily with lip-reading in the classroom. All these subjects were taught by male teachers with beards or mustaches or extremely thin lips and that is the reason why I did not choose those subjects. I was living in fear of missing out on important things and in Grade 8 and 9, I missed out on such a lot in maths that I failed the subject because I couldn't understand what the teacher was talking about. I just stared at the numbers on the chalkboard with no clue. I even had a private maths tutor after school but I was exhausted every single day and wanted to spare some of my energy for after school for ballet classes. I slept mostly in the classroom, I couldn't help it! My eyes were working so hard to read everybody's lips that I struggled to keep my eyes open and not rest them sometimes. When it was an English or Afrikaans class, I would fall asleep while the teacher read poetry or literature. I had no clue where we were reading and I just stared at the black on white notes without having an idea of how to follow. When my mate sitting next to me turned the pages of the book or I heard the "paper turn over" noise, I would then turn over my page.
I loved to learn Art History so much that it was a highlight of the day. Also, the classes were smaller, and to learn about the Renaissance, architecture and the old masters was truly wonderful! But..... to do the practical was a nightmare for me. I remember that I had to work the whole night to complete my artwork. I painted and painted the whole night till 7am in the morning. It was a last-minute project for us, the whole art class panicked about not having enough time to complete and hand the work in. In a case like this, the whole class would gang up, stay at home to finish the unfinished work. As I completed the projects one by one, my mom would drop it off at school to be marked and our parents would provide the school with excuses like stomach bugs or flue that we would be excused to complete our artwork hahaha:).
Ballet was my way of communication. My very own language to express my emotions and frustrations through movement. Ballet was my home and first love. I couldn't wait to go to ballet after school. It felt like freedom, like I'm flying, flying like a bird with electricity sparks inside me. I could let go in my ballet class, I was in charge! I didn't have lots of friends at school and ballet became my best friend. Ballet as a subject was my favorite subject at school.
I had a speech therapist coming to my house twice a week to help with my talking, vocabulary, and school homework. I never wanted my mom to help me all the time because my mom endlessly taught me language, helped and supported me. I wanted to give her a break from all the hard work to help me speak and understand. So instead, I had a speech therapist two days a week. She was amazing and the best speech therapist I ever had. We worked together until I was matric. I felt I was being homeschooled most of the time, and that sitting in the classroom and not being able to follow, was actually a frustrating waste of time. I matriculated in 2007 at Jan Van Riebeeck High School, a mainstream school, with distinction in Ballet. I was very proud of myself, I could not wait to go after my dream.
Here are my tips:
1. Do what you love, even if everyone tells you that it is impossible
2. In everything you do, always be yourself
3. Strength lies in numbers, so walk proudly and courageously together. United we shall stand because divided we shall fall.
4. Ask ask ask always ask
5. Get a Speech Therapist, it is the best investment you can get it for yourself.
6. Always support Deaf Community and Sign Language.
7. You are Deaf and your life will always be part of the Deaf community.
8. Never stop to make the world a better place.
Thank you for reading my blog and please subscribe to it so that you won't miss out on the next new blog. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Have a lovely week, take care, and stay healthy.
Love,
Marisa xx
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