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The most important thing about how to communicate with Deaf people is eye-contact. There was a time in my life when I was having conversations with hearing people and they would look away during the conversation, I was lost! It is the most frustrating thing for Deaf people when hearing people do not keep eye-contact. Why it is frustrating? Because, in their deaf culture, their eyes are their powerful tools to use for lip-reading, the interpreter's hands, sign language, and body language.
It is like when your child is on the cell phone for hours, without listening to your conversation. Your face needs to be the first screen, not your mobile, computer, television, or anything else. Deaf people feel it is extremely rude if you do not look them in their eyes. If you talk to a deaf person without making direct eye-contact, you actually exclude them from the conversation of the given moment. To be left out and ignored is the loneliest experience in the world. Nobody wants to be excluded. Everybody has the need to belong. Being excluded affects the deaf person's self-worth and self-image in a negative way, beyond the comprehension of any hearing person. The irony is that the hearing person would not even be aware of the gap in communication unless the deaf person is open and honest from the start and explain the importance of eye-contact. In the absence of eye-contact, the deaf person immediately feels isolated like a goldfish in a bowl.
I overcame this challenge with hearing people. I taught myself over the years, how I, as a Deaf person should be patient about it. I grew up in the hearing world. When my family or friends looked away, I just took a deep breath and asked them "Are you following me?" or "Did you hear me?" or "Please repeat what you said, I did not hear you." Hearing people appreciate it when deaf or hard of hearing people educate them and exactly tell them how to communicate with success. I find it extremely funny that nobody is scared of people who wear spectacles, BUT if someone wears hearing aids or has a single or bi-lateral cochlear implant, people duck and dive because they are overly sensitive to make mistakes. The second secret is that there are no mistakes! Life is like the tango.....if you tangle up, just tangle down again!
Over a long time, I realized that it is also important for hearing people to make eye-contact when they meet new people or make conversation. If one of the people involved in social dialogue looks away, it is not a train-smash, everybody is still on the same page BUT if the same scenario takes place between a hearing person and Deaf people, the Deaf persons will be lost in the conversation and not follow where the conversation is going. When a deaf person is trying to have a conversation with a hearing person and halfway during the conversation the hearing person would look away or change the topic with another hearing friend, the deaf person will feel left-out and stupid and lose the trust in their communication abilities. I have suffered through these situations numerous times when meeting new people.
We want to feel your connection and see your facial expressions to experience your mood. Eye-contact shows not only respect but it also shows people that they can trust this person.
When meeting Deaf people and using sign language, bear in mind that every language has a different sign language. So, if you are lost, rather ask them to write down what they are saying and tell this person that you would love to learn a little bit more of Sign Language to enable you to communicate in a more user-friendly and understanding way to the deaf community of the world.
Love,
Marisa xx
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